The Cover Letter I Would Really Like To Send

Posted: April 11, 2012 in Humor, Work
Tags: , , ,


Dear Sir, Madam, Mr. Ms. or Computer Software Program designed to parse the snippets of my life:

Please find attached my resume for the position advertised.  As you can see on my resume and with all of the “Key Words” I’ve used, I am well qualified for this amazing opportunity.  Just in case you haven’t seen my resume yet, here they are:

Salesman, Hunter, Experienced, Regional, Territory, Quota, Driven, Motivated, Hungry, Exceptional, Successful, Driven (used twice to show I’m Driven), Computer Literate, Plays Well with others and I’ve seen Wall Street three times.

First of all I am 58 years old.  Holy shit, we can’t talk about age.  That’s the Holy Grail of HR no, no’s.  Seriously, I know you’ve already done the mental math and feel there is no need for further consideration but let me continue.  You won’t be disappointed.

Second, I know about Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, WordPress, Google+, Yahoo, Bing, Reddit, Delicious, Flickr, YouTube, Pandora, Spotify, Posterous, StumbleUpon and several more.  I’m pretty sure I created a user name and password for all of them, but I’m not sure.  You get the idea, not all 50’s and uppers are unaware of Social Media and popular computer and web app’s.

I am also very familiar with how to use the internet for research and information.  In fact, I’m pretty well-known there as gar54.  I wanted to be car54, but that was already taken.  Do you remember the show “Car 54 Where Are You”?  The same guy that played Herman Munster was on that show.  You remember Herman Munster don’t you?  No?  Okay, moving on.

I know what a newspaper is, not just the one’s on my iPad.

I know what an iPad is.

I have some college background and I know how to spell it without spell check.

I know not to use “I” all of the time, but then again this is about me, telling you, about ME.

Reliable transportation, yes, I have it and it’s paid for.  Plus it’s a real car, not one of those Kia’s that Hamsters like to drive.

When I was six, I had the Chicken Pox.

When I wear my dress up clothes and shave, I look pretty good for someone my age.  Oops, there I go again talking about my years of life, but I’m kind of proud of that achievement.  Sorry, me bad.

Finally, I’m a fun person that would be more than happy to go out after work with the gang and hang while drinking 64 calorie beer and eating nachos.

So call me.

  1. I love this George! I also can get the frustration that bleeds through here, but what a great way to express it. Very funny and quite biting at the same time. I know some HR people who should read this.

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