Remember to Poop

I read a blog post by someone today (because I enjoy it) and he was ranting and raving and just downright pissed off at people who don’t eat healthy.  On and on about how eating unhealthy contributes to all the ills of society,  health costs and apparently the end of mankind.  What a crock of shit.  Okay, there might be some truth to that, but sometimes you have to just enjoy.  You can’t spend your whole day eating avocados and bean sprouts.  You have to do things in moderation.  So with that in mind, here’s what a gastronomic adventure should look like:

7:00 a.m

Chicken Fried Steak and Eggs

What better way to start your day off then with a large breakfast.  It is the most important meal of the day.  A good breakfast should also include lots of gravy.  One of my favorite breakfasts’ is a healthy dose of Chicken Fried Steak and Eggs, home fries, and a large biscuit.  One of my favorite places for this great breakfast is the Black Bear Diner. For a chain restaurant, it has some of the best home style cooking around.  So, is this healthy?  It can be if you:

9 a. m.

Remember to Poop

1 p.m.

George’s Homemade Bacon Cheeseburger

There are so many choices for lunch.  Salads, some great soups (broccoli and cheddar) fish and chips and so much more.  However, you can’t go wrong with a fantastic burger.  I’m not talking Burger King or any fast food burger, (except for Dicks Hamburgers in Spokane).  I’m talking hand formed ground meat, slightly pink on the inside, juices dripping onto your plate and well seasoned.  But for those of you who feel you need to eat healthier, just add some bean sprouts to the burger.  I know, it’s not very healthy, unless you:

3 p.m.

Remember to Poop

7 p.m.

Fine Dining Steakhouse Dinner

What better way to end your gastronomic adventure then with a great steak at an upscale steakhouse.  Here in Portland one of my favorites has been the Ringside on Burnside Street.  Juicy and reddish pink on the inside.  (yes that is a description of the steak).  Accompanied with the baked potato loaded with all the goodies, fresh bread and a glass of wine, it’s a perfect way to satisfy your culinary trip for healthy dining.  So with respect to the blogger writing about healthy eating, even his diet of bean sprouts and Grape Nuts isn’t healthy unless of course you:

9 p.m.

Remember to Poop

Comfort Food

Salads, vegetables, fruit.  I like them all, really.  I also know I should eat more of them.  But I’m sorry.  I like food that has some substance to it.  Meat, potatoes with thick gravy, burgers and chili dogs with cheese and onions and big, thick juicy steaks (when I can afford them).  Oh, and let’s not forget anything barbecued!  That’s eating.

I know there are all these health studies saying that this is bad and that’s bad and then they contradict themselves with a new study saying maybe they were wrong.  Don’t drink alcohol, well maybe just one drink a day.  Don’t use salt, well maybe just a little.  Don’t drink coffee.  Oh, actually it’s good for you.  Do these people who do these studies even know?

We are so convinced now a days that everything is bad for us.  Hockey Puck.  Maybe a lot of overindulgence is bad, but in moderation, what’s the problem.  Instead of 2 chili dogs, just eat one.  Instead of super sizing the fries, get a small order.  That’s all you need to do.  Keep it moderate.  Really.  Instead of a whole box of Ho Ho’s, just eat half the box.

Have you ever noticed that the loneliest place at a buffet is the salad bar.  There’s a fricken reason for that.  Who goes to a buffet for a salad?  Where’s the longer line at;  Mcdonalds or McSalads?  Burger King or Salad King?  I think you know.

THE STEAK PALACE:

Waiter:  “May I take your order”?

Customer:  “Yes, I’d like a small dinner salad and a cup of soup, no bread”.

Waiter:  “You do realize you are at the FUCKING STEAK PALACE”!!!

I guess my point is that one of the few things we can enjoy is good food.  Why do we want to piss off our taste buds with stuff that is meant for rabbits.  Salads, fruit and vegetables should be done in moderation.  So until we get our daily nutritional requirements from a little pill, I’m going to enjoy some red meat, potatoes and thick gravy.

After all, this is not the year 2525.